


An Open Un-Apology

by GarrieSun



Series: Just a King and His Lionheart [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 12:04:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6194485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GarrieSun/pseuds/GarrieSun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because the smallest things can undermine every effort you've made in the blink of an eye. And worse, grow. The worst--when people decide you should have to apologize for that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Open Un-Apology

**Author's Note:**

> Probably the most platonic thing involving Oikawa I've written, and probably will be for at least quite some time. 
> 
> Inspired by "Night Sky", by NAK x Wy-i. The emotions in his rap and the eloquence of his lyrics just...good shit, man. May or may not have had minor existential crisis writing this 8DDD
> 
> Focus is on Oikawa, if it wasn't already obvious--the Iwaoi here is lowkey lol

Sitting on the waist-high fence, separating his house from the street, was something his mother always scolded him against. But he got away with it, to this day. At least on chilly, early mornings. 

His hands, calloused from his own relentless practice menus alone, would hug the rough stone of the walls as if he'd lose himself any moment.  _ Well, I _ could  _ lose balance, that's for sure _ , he would chuckle to himself.

His legs would alternate kicking up into the nippy, yet humid air, and back down against the sturdy fence. 

His eyes were often lost, in looking up into the night. He did think he was lucky, in fact, that the streetlights were dim, and few, on his street. That way, starlight-- _ and aliens _ , he'd like to hope--brought light back into his lost, unfocused eyes. 

 

_ Tooru-kun! This weekend, want-- _

_ Ah, I have to do extra practice for upcoming Inter-High... _

_ Oh! That's all right. _

 

_ Tooru-kun! Are you free after practice on Friday?  _

_ Oh, well actually, I…“we're”, doing practice longer that day. _

_ Oh… _

 

_ \--UNREAD MESSAGES-- _

_ I miss you, Tooru. Will you hang out with me again soon? _

_ Received: 1 month ago _

 

_ Oikawa, let's break up. _

_ Huh? _

_ We've gone on fewer dates than I can count on one hand. The last thing you texted me was a “good morning” two weeks ago, and that was only because I texted you first...as usual. You don't try for me. So… _

_ I see. Take care, then. _

_ Eh?  _

_ Huh?  _

_ That's...all you have to say? _

_ I guess so, yeah. _

_...Oikawa...Forget you. _

 

“‘Sorry’.” His voice was impassive, and the two syllables began to dissipate the moment they left his mouth. His eyes did not waver; his bottom lip did not quiver.

 

_ Hey, Oikawa, I heard your girlfriend broke up with you. What did you do? _

_ Eh? Where did you hear that from? _

_ Haha, so it’s true! I bet you spent more time on volleyball than her, am I right? _

_ I didn’t really do anything wrong, though. _

_ Ha, if that’s what you think. You work so hard at everything,  _ except _ relationships. _

 

“‘Sorry’.” Still no reaction.

 

_ Tooru, you got dumped by your girlfriend? That’s why you’re helping with our practice so often, huh? _

_ Geh, Takeru, you, too? _

_ You  _ know _ it’s because you’re a volleyball idiot, right? _

_ I can’t believe I’m getting chewed out by my nephew! You know I’m even in college prep, right?! “Idiot”... Takeru, your uncle is so sad… _

_ “Crocodile tears”--isn’t that what you’re doing right now? _

_ Wah! Who taught you that?! _

 

His voice would catch in his throat. 

_ Why do I have to apologize? _ He’d hop off the fence, and slide against it until he was sitting on the gravelly sidewalk instead. 

_ Why should I? _

He think of how they pitied, scorned him, or both: his classmates, his teammates, his nephew, well, maybe a bit less than the former two. At least Takeru was young, he had much less of a chance to know much about his uncle.

 

But why did they act like he’d lost something vital? He wasn’t dying. There wasn’t anything wrong with him. 

His eyebrows would furrow in indignation. 

Was it wrong to put everything else above someone who only knew, only liked what they saw?

 

Then his thoughts would flash to junior high--how it seemed, like he only kept growing with each day’s practices. He didn’t get sore anymore; even as training piled up, it felt like every bit of him was eager, hungry for progress. 

Everyone began to praise his ability, and he drew all kinds of attention. And he welcomed it. Grew accustomed to it. Longed for it.

Moments like these made him laugh at himself.  _ Can’t live with it...can’t live without it. _

 

He’d then recall the exact moments his growth seem to begin to stagnate. 

He’d think of the moment he’d met his old underclassman from junior high, and the look in his eyes--bright, in more ways than one.  _ Heh _ . That brat. He had known Tobio-chan would be trouble. He could hardly remember what the kid had said when he introduced himself, except when the last word of that bright-eyed, bushy-tailed speech left his mouth. 

“Setter”.

The day he began to realize the real definition of “talent”. It seemed to equate to the same thing as the effort he put in, and the immeasurable amount more that he would put in. Whether he had it or not at that point didn’t matter; all he knew was this Kageyama Tobio had  _ more _ of it. 

He’d needed more: more practice, more knowledge, more recognition. 

His coaches, heck, everyone, had chided him for working too hard. What was he supposed to do, sit aside and let people like  _ him _ pass him by, just because he let up one day?

 

And even now, praise for Tobio-chan never escaped his ears. Of course, he, himself, had been called many things, and known for the ability to stretch the limits of any teammate’s abilities. 

But he’d have another bitter laugh at those who confused his hard work for “talent”. 

The countless hours of his every, painstaking effort--was it talent, was it “enough”? Would he ever be “enough” again, if he ever was in the first place? If he could be, would  _ that _ still not be enough? 

 

“‘Sorry’.”  _ For needing to get better. _

“‘Sorry’.”  _ For needing to  _ be _ better. _

“‘Sorry’.”  _ For disappointing anyone, and everyone. _

“‘Sorry’.”  _ For disappointing myself. _

“‘Sorry’.”  _ For wanting to be everything. _

 

His throat would begin to feel stale. 

Did he need to apologize to the stars now, too?

He’d suddenly feel rather stupid, and remember hearing something about staring into space for too long and questioning things. The stars would begin to blur in his vision, and it would feel as if their light was threatening to spill from his very own tear ducts. 

 

But suddenly, a familiar, yet somewhat discomforting, white light would flood his vision. He’d think he had gone blind until he recognized black letters coming into focus through his wet, startled eyes.  

 

\--NEW MESSAGE--

From Iwa-chan:

_ Are you doing that thing again _

Received: 30 seconds ago

 

_ Shit _ . Iwa-chan always knew.

 

“‘No’.” He would hit reply too quickly, but it wouldn’t matter either way.

 

\--NEW MESSAGE--

From Iwa-chan:

_ Well if you’re not gonna sleep, go to the usual spot. I’ll be there _

Received: Just now

 

He’d give his eyes a furious rub, not caring that they’d appear red in a few minutes. Iwa-chan wouldn’t care. Wouldn’t ask either. 

 

_ You know, Iwa-chan, I’m not “sorry” for anything I’ve done. _ He could imagine himself saying before he’d even gotten there.

Iwa-chan would glance at him for a moment, and just grunt an “mhm”. And they’d lie on the dewy grass a bit longer, listening to the water below, rushing by.

 

With that, he’d pick himself up, and shuffle down the street to the riverbank, feeling a little better already.

**Author's Note:**

> Tried to base off canon as much as possible, and honestly while writing this, I feel like: 1) I learned more about how Oikawa must be as a person, and 2) I relate to him a lot more now idk man
> 
> Also if u made it this far, thanks for reading 8) ♥


End file.
